What’s Grinding My Gears?

The Answer: iPod earphones.

Seriously, this has been bugging me for a while, so prepare yourself for a verbose lecture on earphone mechanics and style.

We’ve probably all got a pair (or two) and according to my in-depth research, i.e. seeing people walking down the street; they still seem to be the earphone of choice amongst the general populace. But here’s why I think they suck immensely and should be thrown back into the bottomless pit of fail from whence they came.

First things first. Sound. Sure, it’s OK. Clear(ish), loud(esque), almost enough bottom end… But has anyone else noticed the huge variations in volume and tone that happen every time the earpiece moves even the slightest bit in your ear? You spend up to 10 seconds twisting and shuffling them around until they’re comfortable AND sound good, then you move your head a little and it all goes pear shaped. Those ads with the people dancing, enjoying their iPods? Lies! Or worse you pull the cord slightly and they just come out.

Which brings me to point two. You pull the cord slightly and they just come out! You thought that was covered in point one, but it’s a whole ‘nother point. Unless I have unusually loose ears (I’m not an ear-slut) there’s something wrong with the shape of those little guys. Also the cord is only just long enough to reach from my ears to my pocket, making unwanted cord-tuggage almost unavoidable.

Number three. They’re still white. Both the iPhone and iPod Touch are black, why do we still have these poxy white earphones? So everyone can look at everyone else wearing iPod headphones, that’s why. We’re all slaves to Apple, I get it, but is it really necessary to advertise the contents your pocket to everyone on the bus, via the medium of white cabling? The days of “ooh, is that an iPod? Is it the 2 or the 4 gig?” are gone, let it go already, no-one is impressed.

Tune in next week, when the subject will be ‘Do The Batteries Suck On All iPhones, Or Is It Just Mine?’